Metric wind chill factors do not be intuitively relational to actual experience. This document seeks to bridge this gap. You may paste this on your fridge for future reference.

900 watts/sec: Beer left in trunk of car freezes over night

1000 w/s: Kids whine for ride to school

1100 w/s: lips chap

1200 w/s: lineups at full service gas bars

1300 w/s: This number is considered by meterologists to be unlucky and is normally left out of windchill tables

1400 w/s: Static electricity arcs burn and pit door knobs and restore heart beats

1500 w/s: Militantly chipper morning radio personalities advise listeners to "bundle up"

1600 w/s: Canadian Tire runs out of extension cords

1700 w/s: Starting car makes noise like curling rock dragged over frozen pavement

1800 w/s: Glaciers form around north-facing windows

1900 w/s: Block heater extensions cords spontaneiously unplug themselves and wind up into tight coils.

1950 w/s: Chronically cheerful morning radio personalities begin to discuss the time it takes to freeze exposed flesh, making it sound like fun.

2000 w/s: Teenagers reluctantly cover ears with hands

2100 w/s: Anemic individuals with sallow complexions get rosy-red cheeks, briefly creating the illusion of good health

2200 w/s: Junior racketeers offer to shovel your driveway for $50.

2200 w/s: Canadian Tire runs out of space heaters

2300 w/s: Difficult to say words beginning with "B" or "P"

2350 w/s: Micro-environment persists for one hour around persons coming in out of the cold

2400 w/s: Canadian Tire runs out of lock di-icer

2500 w/s: Starting car sounds like trying to light empty BIC

2550 w/s: Sorels burned to keep warm

2600 w/s: Pan Wallin mentions on the CBC News, she lived in Saskatewan

2700 w/s: Dark rum left in trunk freezes over night

4000 w/s: Those guys who insist on riding mountain bikes all winter are gone

5000 w/s: All molecular motion ceases: except at Inter City Gas Customer Accounts.