11. Halftime "Flubber" grudge match between Robin Williams and Fred McMurray's corpse.

10. More pre-game hype!!!!! This whole thing is just floundering in obscurity.

9. Get rid of those wimps and put on a real game like Aussie Rules Football. (We apologize for this interruption to your usual Joke service -- our Australian contributor has just been taken out back & pummeled.)

8. Two words: Land mines!

7. Emeril arrives to "...kick up these hot dogs a notch!"

6. New penalty for delay of game? Amputation!

5. Marksman in Goodyear blimp authorized to take out anyone doing the "Dirty Bird."

4. Hang a Piñata between the goal posts filled with crack and gifts certificates for hookers.

3. At halftime, one lucky fan will be chosen to be the new mayor of Miami.

2. Halftime show consists of an entire NBA season. 

and The Number 1 Way to Liven Up the Super Bowl...

1. Turn up the heat while Cher sings the National Anthem and get a close-up of her face melting.